Bucket List

These are things I would like to experience or witness before I die. This list is not in any particular order.

1. Travel to Hawaii with the family.

2. Travel to Europe with the family.

3. Watch the girls graduate from high school and hopefully watch them graduate from college.

4. Walk Grace, Sarah and Mia down the aisle on their wedding day. Hopefully this will be on different days because I'm pretty sure my heart wouldn't be able to take it all in the same day. I suppose I should preface this wish with the idea that my girls marry someone that has their lives figured out and that the girls have grown into young ladies that are already living fulfilled lives.

5. Attend Aryel's graduation from college.

6. That Aryel will someday meet the guy that she is meant to marry and that I can be there when she gets married.

7. See Dave Matthews, or U2, or Coldplay perform at Red Rocks.

8. Go to the Grand Canyon with the family.

9. Visit Elizabeth in New Jersey.

10. Win a poker tournament at a Casino.

11. Travel to the Rain Forest.

12. Go to Australia.

13. Camp in Yellowstone with the family.

14. Visit Uncle Tim in Louisiana.

15. Play Poker in Atlantic City.

16. Watch the Angels win another World Series and attend one of the games.

17. Travel to Alaska.

18. Travel to Canada.

19. Play in a World Series of Poker event.

20. Go River Rafting again.

I'm sure there is more that I have thought about in the past, so I will have to add to this list later. Apparently, I really want to travel.

My Bucket List post-completion.

John Dutton read a wish list that Lucy had written out on yellow legal paper. It included some memorable items. Some of the things I can remember: family trip to Hawaii, car for Liana and Mark, new car for Melissa, T.V. room in the garage, outdoor carpet around the pool, new mattress, nose job, and a trip to Scotland. John was hysterical as he went through the list, gesturing check marks in the air when the wishes had been met, and shaking his head "no" when they weren't. Gary cracked everybody up, on the mattress wish, as he bellowed out "Cuz' they wore that thing out!!"

It was a great list and it got me thinking that I should do the same thing. With the added wrinkle of listing my currently completed wishes. So here goes, in no particular order, but still numbered for simplicity's sake.

Post-completion list with commentary:

1. Fly an airplane. My parents paid for me to fly a Cessna when I was 15. I even got to take-it off which was pretty cool.

2. Sky dive. Tracey wasn't too keen on this idea, but I explained that I was going to do this at some point in my life. I went sky diving as part of my Bachelor Party. My comment to Trace was you can either have a dead fiancee or a dead husband.

3. Run a marathon. In 1995 I ran the Disneyland Marathon and finished in 3:10 or 3:11. I was running 6:45 pace for the first 22 miles. The my left calf muscle cramped up and I was a mess after that.

4. Get married. 1999

5. Buy a house. 2001

6. Have kids. March 26, 2002 Grace and Sarah. October 25, 2005 Mia. I often get asked if I wished I had a boy. It's not really something I even think about. The only weird deal is that I wished that the Anderson name would get passed down. Hopefully, one of my siblings can make that happen.

7. Stay married to the same woman. So far so good. Read the last post. I do feel like we have a great relationship.

8. Be a supportive father. You'll have to ask the girls this question later in life.

9. Become a teacher and coach. Sixteen years and counting, although I stopped coaching once Mia was born. Now I'm coaching girls soccer. I got a terrific compliment last weekend from Butch Cheliah. He said that I made a big difference in Payton last season. I helped instill confidence in her ability. She went on to score three goals in a game last week. As far as teaching is concerned, I was Teacher of the Year at Diamond Ranch in 2009. I now have a handful of students that are teachers and even some former students that are Doctors.

10. At one point in coaching, my goal was to win League in Cross-Country and Track. It took a little while for this to happen at Wilson, but when the Boys team won League in 2000 it was the first time in over 25 years, and that team went on to CIF Finals. My coaching goals changed as time went on. They went from wanting to be League champs, to CIF Champs, to State Champs. The best Cross Country finish was 3rd in CIF and 9th in State. My last year coaching Track we were 2nd in CIF. We had individual CIF and State Champions on more than one occasion. There are times I miss coaching, but I don't miss the countless hours that it took to compete at such a high level. At this stage, I would rather watch my kids play soccer on a Saturday afternoon.

11. Graduate from College.

12. Earn my Master's Degree.

13. Travel in Europe. I took a year off of school in 1994 and back packed around Europe on my own for three months. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I traveled to England, Wales, Ireland, North Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Hungary, Austria, Spain, Monaco, France, and Belgium.

As I sit here and ponder my previous goals I can't really think of anything else major that I wanted to accomplish and have completed. I'm sure there were some other things that I had hoped for and then accomplished, but maybe not. This makes creating a future Bucket List all that more exciting. Hopefully, I'll type that up later today.

John and Lucy Dutton

Lucy Dutton passed away last week at the ripe old age of 81 years old. She was an amazing woman that brought joy to many different people. She was a wonderful wife, mom, friend and teacher. Her funeral was yesterday and the outpouring of love was perfect for someone so deserving. I probably first met Lucy and John the summer I first started dating Tracey in 1994. The Duttons had the kind of love for each other that someone like me strives for. As Melissa, Liana, and Mark eulogized Lucy yesterday it confirmed everything that I felt about this family already. Loving parents that wanted the best for their kids, and a couple that liked to have a good time. The kids talked about summers at the beach, parties in the backyard, and a mom that always went to their "gigs" even if they didn't want their mom there. Lucy was the life of the party. She had a way of making everyone feel welcome and a way of ensuring that everyone had a good time. I remember that same vivaciousness and in many ways it reminds me of Tracey. Tracey has a way of letting loose when it's time to have a good time. Which is pretty impressive for someone that is usually in bed by 9:00 most nights.

After the graveside service I had a chance to briefly talk with John. I waited awhile before I bothered him, but I had to tell him "thank you for setting such a wonderful example of a loving marriage." He had what I'm shooting for, I want to be married to Tracey in a loving relationship where we both grow old together and raise happy kids. He said "so far, it looks like you are heading in the right direction....people today forget that it takes compromise to make it work, they just give up when it gets too hard." Read that again in case you missed it. That's right, it turns out that sometimes relationships involve work...compromise. Today in church the message was about putting others needs before your own. People don't live that way today. I know...that's a total generalization, but seriously, if we thought about others before ourselves wouldn't that change our general perspective?

I've often said successful relationships aren't about finding the right person, but being the right person. In my life, my parents have been married seven times between the two of them. For me, that meant, a long time ago, that I had to figure out how to make it work in my relationships. "Picking the right person" is only a part of the equation. No one can fix you. I don't care what Coldplay says. There are people I wish I could fix, but my wife isn't one of them. I need to fix myself. I need to truly love others, put others first, think about how I can treat other people before being selfish. On a day to day basis, that means being there for my immediate family first. Then my students and coworkers. I need to be mindful of their needs. Obviously, I need to get my stuff together first, but I can't be so selfish that I don't think about what Tracey, Grace, Sarah, Mia, my mom, dad, etc. actually need. I can't fix anybody. But I can be that listening ear. The sounding board. Husband. Dad. Son. Teacher. Friend. The person that I need to be, depending on the situation.

I thank God, for the "Duttons" in my life. Even if they are few and far between. Thank you John and Lucy for setting the example of a truly meaningful realtionship. I can only pray that when I've been married to Tracey after 57 years I can crawl into her hospital gurney and envelope her with my love. Okay, I'll be honest, I hope it's me in the hospital bed first and Tracey is spooning my nearly lifeless body. And if it is, Tracey, can you please live for our kids and (future) grandkids. I'll see you soon enough. They still need you.