John and Lucy Dutton

Lucy Dutton passed away last week at the ripe old age of 81 years old. She was an amazing woman that brought joy to many different people. She was a wonderful wife, mom, friend and teacher. Her funeral was yesterday and the outpouring of love was perfect for someone so deserving. I probably first met Lucy and John the summer I first started dating Tracey in 1994. The Duttons had the kind of love for each other that someone like me strives for. As Melissa, Liana, and Mark eulogized Lucy yesterday it confirmed everything that I felt about this family already. Loving parents that wanted the best for their kids, and a couple that liked to have a good time. The kids talked about summers at the beach, parties in the backyard, and a mom that always went to their "gigs" even if they didn't want their mom there. Lucy was the life of the party. She had a way of making everyone feel welcome and a way of ensuring that everyone had a good time. I remember that same vivaciousness and in many ways it reminds me of Tracey. Tracey has a way of letting loose when it's time to have a good time. Which is pretty impressive for someone that is usually in bed by 9:00 most nights.

After the graveside service I had a chance to briefly talk with John. I waited awhile before I bothered him, but I had to tell him "thank you for setting such a wonderful example of a loving marriage." He had what I'm shooting for, I want to be married to Tracey in a loving relationship where we both grow old together and raise happy kids. He said "so far, it looks like you are heading in the right direction....people today forget that it takes compromise to make it work, they just give up when it gets too hard." Read that again in case you missed it. That's right, it turns out that sometimes relationships involve work...compromise. Today in church the message was about putting others needs before your own. People don't live that way today. I know...that's a total generalization, but seriously, if we thought about others before ourselves wouldn't that change our general perspective?

I've often said successful relationships aren't about finding the right person, but being the right person. In my life, my parents have been married seven times between the two of them. For me, that meant, a long time ago, that I had to figure out how to make it work in my relationships. "Picking the right person" is only a part of the equation. No one can fix you. I don't care what Coldplay says. There are people I wish I could fix, but my wife isn't one of them. I need to fix myself. I need to truly love others, put others first, think about how I can treat other people before being selfish. On a day to day basis, that means being there for my immediate family first. Then my students and coworkers. I need to be mindful of their needs. Obviously, I need to get my stuff together first, but I can't be so selfish that I don't think about what Tracey, Grace, Sarah, Mia, my mom, dad, etc. actually need. I can't fix anybody. But I can be that listening ear. The sounding board. Husband. Dad. Son. Teacher. Friend. The person that I need to be, depending on the situation.

I thank God, for the "Duttons" in my life. Even if they are few and far between. Thank you John and Lucy for setting the example of a truly meaningful realtionship. I can only pray that when I've been married to Tracey after 57 years I can crawl into her hospital gurney and envelope her with my love. Okay, I'll be honest, I hope it's me in the hospital bed first and Tracey is spooning my nearly lifeless body. And if it is, Tracey, can you please live for our kids and (future) grandkids. I'll see you soon enough. They still need you.